


But I feel the way that you stare

by TEARSoverBEERS



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: A little ridiculous, M/M, Memory Loss, Temporary Amnesia, They are vigilantes rather than whatever is going on in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28463550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TEARSoverBEERS/pseuds/TEARSoverBEERS
Summary: Jay wakes up feeling like he's been run over by a truck. His mouth is dry and he's freezing. His eyes feel crusty but when he tries to bring his hand up to wipe them it won't move.----Jay gets temporary amnesia after an accident. He figures out the rest from there.
Relationships: Cole/Jay Walker
Comments: 19
Kudos: 59





	But I feel the way that you stare

**Author's Note:**

> I promised myself at the start of december I would post this thing this year *insert and then I didn't meme*
> 
> So fair warning - this is basically me looking up how medical stuff and bodies work and then going "hmm. i'm not gonna use any of that" and make shit up

Jay wakes up feeling like he's been run over by a truck. His mouth is dry and he's freezing. His eyes feel crusty but when he tries to bring his hand up to wipe them it won't move.

He raises his head, and it feels like he got a crown of lead on pushing him back down. Opening his eyes feels like staring directly into a spotlight, if the spotlight happened to also be shooting invisible knives into his eyes. Suffice to say, he feels like shit.

The whine he lets out at the pain is probably not the coolest ever.

Oh. And someone is by his bedside.

They are seated in a chair with the top half of their body stretched out over the bed and with their face hidden under shoulder-length black hair. They seem to be asleep, if the rhythmic breathing pattern is anything to go by.

They're also holding onto his hand. Well, that explains that.

Jay looks around. He's hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor, with a bunch of bandages lying on a table beside him together with a small stack of books. Is he in a hospital? The room he's in is small, walls painted an off-gray and it has no windows, just a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. It looks more like a closet someone tried to make do with than a hospital room. He can't even begin to guess what time it is. Though he can hear the ticking, there's no clock anywhere he can see. His head is still having a bit of a hard time processing everything though.

The black-haired guest stirs, muscles tensing and spasming from their limited space. Jay briefly panics and wonders if he should pretend to be asleep, before he figures someone that stayed by his bedside holding onto his hand couldn't have too bad intentions. Then the stranger raises their head and their eyes meet.

And _ oh. _ .. Okay. Right. His heart monitor makes a traitorous sound and he can feel his cheeks get hot.

"J-jay?"

Holy shit. This (unfairly attractive) guy knows his name.

"Yes?" he croaks out, voice clearly not having been used in a while.

His eyes widen and he's suddenly wide awake.

"Holy shit, you're awake. W-wait a second, I'm calling for the others-" Before he can protest or even process what's happening, the hot guy has let go of him and ran out the door.

Well. Easy come, easy go, he guess. At least he can finally lift his hand and wipe away the crust in his eyes. It does feel moderately better. Geez, how gross must he look right now. And in front of such an attractive person to boot! He tries to catch a glance of himself in the reflective metal of his IV-holder, but quickly finds out less movement is better if he doesn't want to feel like he just ripped his head in two. Uugh.

The guy comes back though. It might have been seconds or hours, Jay feels like he wouldn't be able to tell the difference right now from the way his head is spinning with every single movement.

"Hey, welcome back to the land of the living."

Jay snorts. Okay, morbid. He could roll with that.

"Thanks, I kinda like it. Might even stick around for a while."

He gets a wide smile in response to his joke.  _ Score _ .

"For a second there you had me seriously worried dude. How are you feeling?"

Butterflies do some kind of acrobatic feat in his very much hurting tummy.

"Uhm, apart from how my body feels like it's been hacked up and then thrown in a blender for a couple of days?" Jay grimaces, but then breaks into a smile before continuing. "Just great."

Hot Guy™ looks sympathetic.

There's suddenly knocking on the door. Jay automatically snaps his head towards the sound and immediately regrets it when it feels like his brain was a snowglobe and he had just made it snow. He winces in pain.

A second later people are welling in, yelling his name. They spread out around the bed and lean in to hug him so effectively he's not sure who is hugging him and who isn't. It makes his ribs hurt and the winces, which makes them immediately settle down.

It's easier to go over their faces when they're actually  _ still _ . There are four of them, his original roommate not included. They're all displaying different levels of relief on their faces. The first one to stand out is a girl, dark hair reaching just over her attractively muscular shoulders. The guy next to her is a guy with similar facial features, but hair like he was going for the fork-in-electric-socket look. On the other side of the bed there are two blonde guys who are kind of hard to pinpoint to an exact age. The closest one wears his hair down, a youthful face with some roundness still in his cheeks, but eyes that had seen more than their share and contained an old soul. The other one wears his short-cropped hair styled, a face that has none of the baby fat but a young look to it. It's almost scarily symmetrical with not a single wrinkle or visible pore.

The second blonde steps forward, holding a computer pad which he is scrolling through.

"I'm going to ask you some questions. Please do your best to answer them truthfully." Then he looks up, sending Jay a disarming smile. "Don't worry though, they're just routine after someone suffered a head injury."

Jay nods. Head injury makes sense.

"First: Can you talk?"

"Uh, right. Yeah"

"Great. Can you tell me what your name is?"

"Jay Walker"

"How old are you and where do you live?"

"22 and NC since I was 16."

"What's the last meal you remember eating?"

"Oh, waffles with blueberry jam. I made some for breakfast."

The guy nods his head approvingly.

"Last question; do you remember falling off the Western Lighthouse Bridge?"

Jay blinks.

"No. Is that how I..?"

"Yes. Don't worry though, it's not uncommon to have some memory loss. You've suffered a concussion following the trauma towards your head, as well as several broken ribs. You've been unconscious for almost a week. Other than that though, everything seems to be alright."

"I've been in a  _ coma _ ? For a week!?"

"It's a good thing you finally woke up. Another day and your chance of ever waking up again would have decreased significantly."

"Uh…" The guy looks pleased, as if he had not just said Jay had been practically at death's door. Jay does not share the sentiment.

"Jesus bro, you scared the crap out of me." The guy with the crazy hair says.

"Uh, I'm sorry?" 

"I thought you died for real! I thought I would never hear your voice again!"

"I… Won't do it again?"

"You better not!"

Everyone is seated around him. The black-haired guy reaches for his hand again, just squeezing it slightly in comfort. Jay tries not to stare at it, but his only other option is looking back up at all the other people.

"So, not that I don't appreciate the sentiment and all, but. Uhh. Who are you guys?"

* * *

It's been several hours since "the incident", as he likes to call it in his head. After he admitted to not knowing a single person in the room, they had capital-F  _ Freaked Out _ . At first they just seemed certain that he was trying to set them up for some bad joke, which, ok, that seemed like something he'd do. But come on, he just woke up from a coma. So after he had denied that being the case several times and insisted that he really didn't know who a single one of them were, they had started to look panicked. The hot guy had let go of his hand like it burned. Aw.

So after a lot of questions, it seems he remembers everything perfectly except whatever part of his life these people were in. He can remember a lot of the places and people they mention, but he can't remember  _ them _ being there or what he was doing.

Everyone had left after that, blonde doctor-guy saying he was going to do some research on memory loss and everyone else just seemingly too awkward to look him in the eyes after that. They tell him to rest some more and that he can push a button on the bedside table for someone to come running to help him with whatever he needs. Not that he's going to do that, what with the look on their faces.

All in all, it seems like a big chunk of his life for the last couple of years have been cut from his memory. Which honestly sucks, because these people seemed really close to him and god knows he had always wanted friends like that. 

Resting is hard though when you've practically been doing nothing else for a week. While his body doesn't mind the downtime his brain is wide awake and alert. He can feel all the machines in the room on his skin - static, magnetic almost. Like some weird, new version of spatial awareness. It's strange and disorienting.

His eyes drop to his hand, where one of the machines is still linked up to his pulse. 

Wait a minute.

Was that a  _ ring _ ?

It's nothing fancy, just a simple blue metal band spun around his ring-finger. No stones or engravings from what he can tell. He wiggles it around a little and finds that the skin beneath it is significantly paler than the rest of his hands. He rarely takes it off, then.

It's possible he became the type of guy to accessorize in the presence of these people, he supposes.  _ Or _ it could mean something else. Something that makes his heart stumble in a mix of bashful excitement and dread.

What if he had a fiancee and didn't remember them at all? What if he was MARRIED? He'd be horrified if he would never again remember his own wedding.

There's a knock on the door, and he winces a little at the sound. It feels like it echoes bouncing off the walls inside his head.

"Yeah?" he calls out.

A head of messy black hair appears behind the door, looking unsure if they should come in. The guy who had been there when he woke up.  _ Holding his hand _ . 

"Hey. Have you gotten any sleep?' He steps inside slowly, like he's trying not to spook an animal.

"Uh, no, not really. It's pretty hard to go to sleep after a revelation like 'you've been in a coma for a week', not gonna lie." Jay admits truthfully. He assumes the animal in question is him, since he's the room's sole inhabitant. Not that  _ he _ is going to run off anywhere anyway, still connected to all these god-knows-what-machines.

"Yeah, I figured. I brought you some books in case you were bored."

Jay blinks several times, surprised. Then his face breaks out in an excited smile.

"Wow, thanks!"

The guy smiles back. He seems much more relaxed, even excited, right away.

"I wasn't sure what you'd want to read, so I just went to your apartment and got your favourites."

He puts a small stack of books on the bedside table. It is, in fact, Jay's favourites and that really puts a lid on any stubborn suspicion that these people are trying to trick him. Jay tries to be discreet as his eyes flit down to the guy's hands. He just wants to confirm this other stubborn idea stuck in his brain… Unfortunately the guy's left hand is hidden from view behind the books.

"So how did you get in?" He asks instead, digging for clues.

"Huh? I just used the key you gave me."

The guy looks up in surprise and his hand flicks up to his neck, scratching at something invisible. Jay follows the movement closely with his eyes but it gives him nothing.

He's getting frustrated at how hard it turned out to be.

"Could you- could you help me pull down my sleeve, please? I'm feeling too dizzy to do it." Jay comes up with the worst lie ever. In an attempt to sell it better he then reaches out his hand, though it makes the muscles around his ribs protest. 

It might be a terrible lie, but the hot guy doesn't seem to question it for a second. He immediately reaches out to help and his left hand finally comes into full view.

_ Holy. Fucking. Shit _ . It feels like a bomb goes off inside his chest cavity, that's how hard Jay's heart is beating. He's wearing a matching ring. They're identical, except for the color. He had a fianceé (husband?) and a totally hot one to boot.

Jay stares like hypnotized at the hands as they tug gently at the cotton fabric. He keeps staring as the guy straightens up and an awkward silence takes over.

"Uhm, if that's all I can-"

Hot Guy is starting to pull away, the look on his face clearly uncomfortable. It finally snaps Jay out of the trance.

"Wait, no, stay!" Jay hopes he didn't sound as desperate as he felt, because he was a second away from standing up and running after the other - broken bones be damned. He clears his throat, adding; "I like the company."

"Oh. Okay." The guy has stopped mid-step and turn back. His bushy eyebrows are hidden behind his bangs in surprise, but he pulls out the chair he had been in back when Jay woke up and sits down.

"What's your name?" Jay asks.

The guy immediately makes a grimace.

"Cole". He sighs, leaning back theatrically on the chair. "I can't believe you don't even remember me."

Jay silently agrees. He mourns everything he's lost. Still, a positive attitude is always the first step towards a positive outcome.

"Cole." He tastes the word between his lips. It rolls off the tongue like it's been there many times before. A toothy grin spreads across his lips. He likes it. "Maybe it's not that bad. I get to learn everything about you again."

Cole chuckles.

"Oh yeah? What do you want to know? Apart from that I'm the strongest, smartest and handsomest of the group of course. Without a doubt the one with the most fans. Too bad you can't remember."

"Fans?" Jay laughs. "What are we, a boy band?"

Cole looks a little caught off guard, before he relaxes again and laughs along.

"You  _ wish _ you had the talent for that."

"Heey! I have the singing voice of an angel!" Jay protests with fake indignation before breaking out in laughter. They both laugh a bit before Jay breaks it off with a serious question.

"How did we meet?"

Cole straightens in his seat.

"Oh, we were introduced by Wu because he trained us in martial arts. Uh, all of us that is." He makes a flippant hand motion, like loosely pointing at people he wasn't sure was right, left or even above them.

Jay nods. He remembers training for Wu when he first got to the city. He had been taking classes for long before, of course, but it was under Wu's tutelage he had started to really grow into his talent. He can't remember stopping, but for some reason his memory of the classes goes fuzzy soon after… Well, the reason might be sitting right in front of him.

"Did we get along right away?" He asks instead.

Coles's cheeks go a little pink, and his hand goes back to rub at his neck.

"Uhm… Kinda? We definitely fought over some really stupid things in the past."

Jay frowns, eyebrows furrowing.

"Like what?" He asks.

"Like- uhm." Cole's eyes flit around the room, avoiding Jay like he's embarrassed. "Nya had this crush on me and you got really jealous and it was all really dumb." Jay feels his own cheeks redden and his mouth falls open, and he has to fight the urge to pull the cover up and hide his face. Of course he had been the jealous idiot. Of course.

Cole smiles though, confidence back. "But it all worked out for the better! Because of that we got to know each other much better and since then we've been tight as can be. So, yeah." He gives an awkward two-handed thumbs-up, accentuated by a wide, slightly crooked but overwhelmingly genuine smile. It makes his eyes glitter.

"Oh." Jay's heart does a gay little jump and his breath hitches.

He finds that it's a little hard to meet Cole's eyes with his heart fluttering like butterfly wings in his chest. He kinda feels like giggling, though that would be ridiculous. Oh jeez. He totally had a crush on this guy.

But wait! He was totally allowed to have a crush on this guy, because it was his husband-fiance! Oh damn, he really hit the jackpot. He puts down a mental reminder to give his normal self a high five as soon as he's back to normal.

* * *

The next morning, Doctor-Guy (Zane, he introduces himself as, and not a doctor so much as the one of them most capable of understanding the different outputs the machines provided them with) comes back to check on him. Cole does too.

"Your vitals are looking good. I think you should be able to get out of here and back to your own soon, though I would still like to keep an eye on your ribs to make sure they're healing okay. It's important you take deep breaths, even though it hurts."

"That's great man!" Cole smiles.

Jay agrees. Even though he still feels kind of crappy, the boredom of being locked up is what really is starting to eat away at him.

Zane leaves soon after, leaving the two of them alone. They watch videos on Cole's phone, laughing along at stupid jokes.

"I watered your plants by the way. The one in the kitchen might be dead though." Cole mentions offhandedly.

"It's been like that forever," Jay admits, mentally filing another box  of information. "But thanks."

The smile he gets in return makes his chest all soft and bubbly. It's a good feeling.

* * *

Nya comes by to entertain him the day after that. He can quickly understand why he had been jealous of her.

She is gorgeous, with short dark hair and intelligent eyes. She's funny and sarcastic and she talks about his recent projects, trying to jog his memory. He remembers some of them, but unsurprisingly a lot of it is completely blank.

He thinks, in another life where he hadn't met Cole, he could have fallen for her. As it is, he enjoys her platonic presence. She doesn't bring up Cole and Jay assumes he got nothing to worry about. Instead, they talk for almost two hours about a new bike she is building and how to improve it.

They get so into it that they forget the time, and when they come back to it she has to hurry away for a shift. He asks her what she works with as she's stuffing their badly sketched out ideas into her pockets, but she dodges the question with the flick of a wrist before running out.

Jay gets the feeling it's connected to his injury somehow, although he can't for his life figure out how.

  
  


* * *

It takes a couple of days, but Jay is no longer connected to any machines, which feels like  _ freedom _ . He can actually get up and move around without risking ripping his arm open. His legs are a little wobbly as he tries them out but he soon gets back into it.

So far he's stayed in the room where he woke up, not straying further than the adjacent bathroom. No one has told him he can't leave, not in so many words, but just sitting up on the bed had been exhausting up until recently. Now he's much better and ready to not be so goddamn bored.

It still takes a couple of minutes to build up the courage. Up until the very last second, a small nagging, paranoid voice in the back of his head is suspecting him to be a prisoner after all. Still when he pushes at the handle it gives way immediately, easily swinging open.

He takes a hesitant step outside, ending up in a windowless corridor with several identical-looking doors. It's a little chilly, like he's underground. He can't hear anything except the faint echo of something dripping. It's a little unsettling, very horror movie-esque. He shivers. He hated scary movies. Maybe this was a bad idea.

He has no idea where anything is. He tries the first door and ends up face-to-face with a mop. It's a closet. He closes the door again. Anxiety is gnawing in his gut, and he swallows around the lump in his throat.

"Hey!" A voice rings out, echoing on the empty walls.

He turns around and a smile finds its way to his lips, a wave of relief at seeing Cole walk through a door looking like he just got back from the gym.

"You feeling alright?" He asks as he gets closer, looking Jay up and down. That's a little embarrassing since he is sure he looks like shit, but Cole doesn't seem to mind.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit lost." He answers honestly.

"That makes sense. This place is a maze. Here, I'll show you the way out." Cole makes a move to turn around, and Jay grabs a hold of his arm. He's a little sweaty, but  _ damn _ those biceps. He sighs in relief.

At the end of the corridor there is a staircase hidden behind one of the doors for some reason. Like Jay expected, it leads upwards. It takes him a little longer to get up the stairs than he feels comfortable with and he's left feeling pretty winded, but Cole says nothing and just stays right next to him through it all. He doesn't even give it time to be awkward as they reach the top and Jay is once again struck with the realization that he doesn't know where to go or what to do. After all that, it'd be embarrassing to just turn around and go back.

One thing he can finally say for sure though is that he was definitely not in a hospital. He had suspected as much, but it didn't quite make sense. Who has a private infirmary in the cellar, and how the hell would he end up there instead of the ER? It was hard to argue with what he was seeing though. The room is rectangular and not much larger - if any - than the trailer he grew up in. It's actually not a bad comparison, except his parent's trailer had been filled to the brim with stuff. The walls in this place are unprofessionally covered with  **plywood** and textiles and there is an attempt at covering the floors at least partially with rugs, but the sparse decoration still gives away the fact that this is not a living space. The only furniture is a tiny couch in front of an even tinier tv, and a huge table hosting a truly impressive computer rig with several monitors taking up a whole side of the room. Looking closer there are loads of thumbtacks stuck in the walls all over, some with triangular paper edges still stuck to them, yet displaying nothing. As if someone had rushed to tear it all down. Jay isn't sure how he feels about that. He tries to relax, breathing out slowly and reminding himself that these people were his friends - if they were hiding stuff from him it was probably for a good reason.

"Do you wanna play a game?" Cole asks, interrupting his train of thought by motioning with his head towards the tv.

"Yes! Please!" Jay answers a little too eagerly, grabbing hold of Cole's arm again to steady himself. Cole doesn't react at all to the close contact, just allows him to lean on him as they walk. Jay would be lying if he said he didn't hold on a little tighter than strictly necessary. 

He gratefully accepts one of the controllers as it's handed to him and sits down on the closest seat with a relieved sigh. He doesn't want to admit it, but walking around really did take a toll on his still-healing body.

Playing video games on the other hand comes easy. That is something he knows how to do, even if he never played this particular game before. After several rounds, much teasing and laughter he still comes out with an overall victory.

Cole puts down the controller on the seat next to him, crossing his arms and pouting like a child.

"You only won because you're injured and I had to go easy on you!" he claims. "If I could use my usual technique, this would have ended differently." Jay just rolls his eyes and huffs.

"Should you really admit that you'd normally cheat?" he says, but there's no real bite in it.

"Uhm, blocking the view isn't cheating, it's tactics."

Jay, surprised, laughs out loud and then immediately whimpers as his healing ribs protest. Still, he can't keep a crooked smile off his face. Yeah, he can see why he'd have fallen in love with this guy.

Cole jumps to his feet and stands in front of Jay, who just raises an eyebrow in amusement.

"I should have chosen something more physical - like a dance-off," he says and smirks, punctuating it with a smooth roll of his body that leaves Jay with his mouth hanging open. He had not expected such gracefulness from someone so physically powerful. _And hey_ , he realizes with a silent gulp, _he's kinda into it_.

Going by the look on his face, Cole had known very well that what he did was impressive. Which meant he had  _ wanted _ to impress Jay. 

Jay can't help but wonder how many times he's seen that same move before. Of course his boyfriend would know he'd be impressed. What a cheater.

"I guess it'll have to wait until next time." Jay smirks back at him. He'll give his boyfriend a run for his money. "But right now, I guess we can switch to Mario Kart."

* * *

Despite his memories being gone, Jay can't say that he's felt  _ lost _ . He's had Cole to take his mind off things, and the more they hang out, the more he realizes why he really really likes the guy.

They have so much fun. True, they squabble over some things, but it had been more play than any real offense. He didn't feel like he had to hold back or hide his thoughts on stuff for fear of Cole getting angry or judging him. He had always been terrible at knowing when to shut up and it had chased away any and every prospect of friendship he had growing up. But Cole seemed to value what Jay said, even when it was completely ridiculous or he disagreed. It was something he had never realized he had missed, but now that he had it he felt so light, like his body was filled up with helium and soap bubbles.

And Cole was still really, ridiculously hot. Like, not that he'll admit to that detail, but he's  _ way-outside-Jay's-league _ -hot. A couple of times at night his imagination has slid a bit further than strictly PG. He can't help it.  _ It's those arms _ . They awaken something inside him.

He gets that Cole hasn't been bringing up their relationship, for the same reasons Nya avoided telling him about her job and whatever used to be on the walls of the first floor had been torn down. They don't want to shock him by going " _ oh by the way, you're engaged to this stranger" _ . He gets it, but he's also getting tired of it. All this fantasizing is leaving him touch-starved. 

* * *

Cole's head perks up as Jay enters the room, and his heart flutters. Cole is on the exercise bike , but he stops pedaling and jumps off it, grabbing his bottle of water before walking across the room. Jay wasn't actually in the gym to work out - he was still at least a few days worth of recovery away from that. Rather he had finally had a shower - all by himself - and he's feeling pretty great. The gym also happened to be where he could usually find a specific someone.

"You look better!" Cole says too when he is close enough to get a good look on him. Jay smiles, heart fluttering.

"I feel better," he admits. Then he winks, teasing. "All the sooner I can beat your ass in the dance-off and take my spot as the supreme champion."

Cole just rolls his eyes.

"In your dreams. These hips don't lie."

To accentuate his words he shakes his butt. Not that Jay can see his moneymaker standing in front of him, but his eyes still fall down onto his hips and stay there a little longer than necessary.

"Oh yeah?" Jay continues, knowing fully well after what little display he'd already had that if they were to have an actual competition Cole could and would wipe the floor with him. He had no memories of doing any dancing in his _life_. But arguing was simply in his nature.

He moves in close, grabbing a hold of Cole's hips in a way that was a little too remnant of last night's fantasies. Cole freezes. The water bottle in his hand swooshes a little as it's now held tightly against his chest like a barrier between them. He visibly swallows, looking flustered. It's cute.

"Yeah. That's right." He finally forces a wobbly smile.

Jay just blinks his eyes innocently, eyelashes fluttering. Cole smells nice. Fresh sweat and shampoo.

"I guess you'll have to teach me then." 

He moves onto his tippy toes and presses a soft peck on Cole's lips. Then he slides back down, smiling.

His fiance doesn't react like he expects him to, though. Instead of being surprised Jay had figured it out he fumbles with and drops the bottle, sputtering and red in the face. He immediately crouches down to fetch it and avoid eye contact. Jay takes a step back in confusion, feeling like he might have misread the situation.

"Do I not usually kiss you?"

Cole's expression alone is enough of an answer, but Jay can't wrap his head around why he wouldn't. He's always been an openly affectionate guy.

"Uhm, well, I wouldn't say it's a habit-" "Why not?"

"W-why?"

"Do you not like it?" Cole's face goes cherry red in two seconds flat.

"I'm- that's-"

Jay takes another step back to make a clear line between them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep your boundaries."

Cole breathes out, glancing down at Jay's feet as if he expected there to be an actual line drawn between them. The expression on his face is complicated, confused.

"That's not it. You just… Don't? Normally." he says, still gripping the bottle like a lifeline.

It leads to a second of silence between them. Jay's mouth falls open into a soundless "oh".

"I must have changed more than I realized," he tries to play it off, laughing half-heartedly. It leaves a feeling of unease in the pit of his stomach. Not knowing everyone else was one thing, not knowing himself? That was much more terrifying. "I just always assumed I'd be the type to kiss the person I married."

Cole's head snaps up, eyes wide.

"The person you  _ what _ ?"

"Married?" Jay repeats, confused over the sudden outburst. "Dating?" he changes his answer, in case he'd gotten too far ahead of himself.

"Who?"

"Uhm…" That uneasy feeling is starting to spread. "Well, you."

"You think we're dating?" Cole's eyes are wide as saucers and with that everything falls into place.

Oh no. They weren't a couple at all.

"Oh my god." Jay is horrified. This is the single most dumbass, embarrassing thing he's ever done. He's a fucking idiot. "I am so, so sorry. You were just there when I woke up and- and you said- I assumed- Holy smokes, I am  _ so _ sorry."

Cole's mouth is hanging wide open. Jay feels like going out in the garden, digging himself a hole and jumping in it. He can't believe he had been so wrong- uuugh, he had been so sure too-

"It's fine!" Cole finally responds. It comes out sounding like a squeaky 'sfine!' more than any real words, but Jay has enough context to make out the meaning. Cole looks like he'd been frozen in place and his face is still so red it's starting to get a little worrying. Jay groans, hiding his face in his hands.

"Now I feel like an idiot," he mutters. He contemplates just turning around and running back to his bed in the infirmary, hoping the amnesia would come back for him and make him forget this ever happened. But nooo, memory loss was never there when you  _ really _ needed it.

"You seriously thought we were a couple?" Cole sounds like he still can't believe it, staring down at Jay with large eyes.

"We have matching rings!" Jay defends. 

"So does the rest of the team!" Cole responds.

" _ What _ ?"

Jay hadn't even checked. 

He had just seen Cole's ring, put two and two together and assumed he had been right. "Oh, this is so embarrassing," he mutters, face burning in shame.

A terrible, awful, miserable moment passes between them where no one says anything but they both have to soak in what had just happened.

Then Cole clears his throat. He's still a little warm in the cheeks, but you can't really tell from the outside. He's trying to be rational and not let his heart get ahead of itself. He had just been taken by surprise, was all.

"It's okay dude, I don't mind. Your memory is - you know - and I know your type isn't exactly…" He gestures vaguely to himself. 

Jay can't help but stare back at him in surprise.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"I mean I've seen the people you normally date, dude." Cole chuckles, hands settling on his hips. He's smiling, but his eyes fall to the floor a second later. Despite his confident posture, there's an unexpected hint of insecurity under the top layer of machismo. "I get that it was a mistake."

"Are you serious?" Jay knows he probably sounds almost offended, but that's exactly what he feels. He isn't going to just stand there and let Cole feel bad for imagining he knew what Jay liked. "You tick like, every single box on my checklist. The hair, your eyes, your humor and generosity and damn, have you  _ seen _ those arms?"

Jay lets out a whistle.

Cole looks back up in surprise. He blinks a couple of times in quick succession as if he's unsure if what he's seeing is real.

It only works to spur Jay on.

"Hot daaamn. Like, had you been a stranger and I didn't know I could mess up relationships I have no memory of but I would kick my own ass for as soon as I get them back, I would be all over you. Cross my heart."

Cole keeps staring for several moments before he finally blinks and looks away.

His expression is sort of hard to read, like it's been carefully constructed that way. He opens his mouth, wetting his lips before speaking slowly.

"If I were a stranger, I would have let you."

The mood changes like a flick of a switch. Jay inhales sharply. He feels a little out of breath, trying his best not to show it. The way Cole is staring is, for a lack of a better word, intense. He's getting a little light-headed and it's not from his broken rib.

"Too bad we're not strangers." He gets out in an exhale.

"Yeah. Too bad." Cole's answer is barely above a whisper.

The tension is cut completely as Zane throws the door open.

"Jay! I've found- oh, hey Cole- I've found an article describing your symptoms!"

Jay, slightly disoriented by the sudden shift, startles and stutters.

"Y-you mean the memory loss?"

"Yes, but one that only affects your memories of other people. In this study, all the subjects lost their memories of the people being with them at the accident as some kind of trauma response. We were all with you when you fell."

"Okay?"

"Here's the good news- all subjects eventually recovered their memories."

"So... I will get them back?"

Zane gives him an approving thumbs up.

"There is a statistically high probability that the answer is yes!" 

Jay finally smiles, a small relieved laugh finding its way out.

"That's great!" he adds for good measure. Zane smiles happily back at him, and it's a contagious feeling.

His eyes finally flick over to Cole, who isn't looking in Jay's direction anymore. He's not really looking at Zane either, just in his general direction, wearing a tense smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Jay's heart drops.

Oh no.

Did he fuck up? He shouldn't have admitted all that. There could be sensitive history there that he's ignorant to and now he's ruined their relationship for all of eternity.

"Cole-?" he starts, but is interrupted by just the person he addressed.

"Phew, I'm beat. I'm gonna go head to the showers. See you guys later." Cole says, stretching his arms in an over-exaggerated gesture of exhaustion. Then he just leaves, crossing the space between him and the door in a few hurried steps. Jay wouldn't be able to keep pace with that tempo in his current condition.

Staring at the door he left through, Jay almost forgets Zane is still in the room with him until he reaches out and puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. To his defense, he barely startles and Zane pretends he didn't see anything.

"So," he clears his throat, "when can I expect to get, you know- my memories and stuff back?" He tries to diffuse the weird feeling that Cole left behind with a smile.

"It could be any day now. There are no set rules for this thing, but it's probably…" Zane looks a little thoughtful. "Sooner rather than later," he finally decides on.

Jay nods, trying for a small smile.

"Thanks for all the help."

Zane's eyes soften, and he smiles back.

"Anytime."

* * *

The next day is soul suckingly lonely. No one comes to visit him and Kai only shows up in the house at all to bring him food before leaving again. He is bored and frustrated.

He manages to find Cole again the day after that, though it's more by dumb luck than anything he can take credit for (and he loves taking credit).

After the tumultuous evening two nights prior he decides that if he doesn't have a boyfriend that'll keep him from boring himself to death, he must speed things up and do what he can to get his memories back -  _ before _ he could make any more stupid assumptions. The first step rationally seemed to be to search out things that might remind him of his everyday life, and nothing could fit better to that description than his apartment. Sure, technically he hadn't yet been "released", but no one had said he  _ couldn't _ leave either. Besides, he's starting to get really homesick.

It takes him a couple of wrong doors, a very awkward conversation with blondie - "Lloyd" - in what might constitute a surprisingly normal storage closet, and finally a very strange interaction with a houseplant, but he does find his way outside. He half expects an alarm to go off or someone to come rushing after him, but he can't even feel the presence of someone other than Lloyd in the house. The front door isn't locked or anything, although as he steps out he can guess that has more to do with the fact that it's practically invisible from the outside unless you know where it is. He realizes he's been dead wrong about the house he's been stuck in for the last couple of weeks - because it's not a house at all. It looks like a wholly unimpressive container - rust marks in the corners and color flaying.

The area is not one he instantly recognizes either, a maze of shipping crates that you would not expect to hide a living space with an underground infirmary and gym inside one of them. It's so different from what he expected and he can't imagine how he - and his friends - ended up there, of all places. He tries to draw a mental map as he walks but he is pretty sure after the 20th identical green container that getting back by himself is a lost cause.  _ Well _ , he decides,  _ all the more  _ _ incentive _ _ to get his memories back then. _

After some stumbling around he finds a sign that leads him towards an exit, and from there he can find more signs to point him towards the city. He is only sort-of exhausted by then, head pounding like hammers against his skull even as he finds a bench to rest on for a while. Well, it's too late to turn back.

It takes about an hour just to get from the shipping business' grounds to somewhere he recognizes. Once he's in the city he can locate himself well enough, but the way it feels as if his body is falling apart at the seams like a threadbare doll is making it harder. Soon he's panting so hard it feels like the air is cutting at his throat, just from walking. His head is throbbing and spinning.

Once he's outside of the apartment complex it feels like a major victory. He even cries a little in relief.

Coming back home feels weird after so long. It looks just as he remembers it, but stale and devoid of life. Too quiet and dark. He checks the fridge, but the smell of bad produce makes him shut the door immediately again unless he'd start vomiting everywhere. That was a problem for later-Jay. Now-Jay was going to put on his most comfortable clothes, lay down on his own bed, tune in on the most brainless tv-show he could find and then probably fall asleep.

He's just getting there when he stirs awake to the tell-tale sound of someone turning the lock. At first he panics, sitting up and looking around for anything he could use as a weapon. Then he hears the door open and the burglar stepping inside, immediately stumbling over something (it's Jay's shoes) and swearing loudly in surprise. Jay relaxes, shoulders slumping as he mutters 'thank god' and puts the weaponized figurine back on the bedside table.

"...Jay?" Cole's voice rings out with a question.

"Yeah. I'm here," he admits. Seconds later Cole's entire head is peeking inside his bedroom, blinking at him in confusion and worry (still in bed. Embarrassing, actually.)

"What are you doing home? How did you even get here?" Cole sounds equal parts worried and baffled. He takes a step inside Jay's bedroom, but then he stops to just stare.

"I was bored, so I walked," Jay says, technically not lying. Technically not meeting his eyes either, as he says it.

"You  _ walked _ here!? In your condition?" Cole sounds horrified. He strides over, putting his palm to Jay's forehead as if he had a fever and not just stupid-head disease. Jay is completely taken off guard, eyes widening and mouth falling open. The touch feels warmer than it had any right to be, practically branding his skin with his fingerprints.

"I'm okay!" Jay finally gets out, using his own hands to push Cole back before he ends up doing something he'd regret (like pull him in instead). He swiftly changes the subject away from himself. "So what are  _ you _ doing here, if you weren't looking for me?"

Cole backs up, looking a little embarrassed.

"I figured your plants still needed watering," he says while scratching at the back of his neck. "I didn't expect you to have made a run for it."

Jay offers a sheepish, lopsided smile in response. He didn't mind the company. If anything, he was relieved. If only he wasn't exhausted, he'd be thrilled.

"Actually, since you're here anyway, you can clean out everything in the fridge that went bad and throw out the trash." Jay wiggles back down under the covers, fluffing the pillow as he does so.

"What am I, your maid?" Cole protests. Jay gives him his best puppy dog-eyes, blanket already drawn up to his chin.

"I'll tell Kai you beat me at Rainbow Road?"

Cole's eyes narrow, lips pouting as he considers the offer.

"He won't believe that - make it  Big Blue ."

"Deal."

They shake on it and then Cole immediately spins around to walk over to the kitchen. Jay breathes out a sigh of contentment. Not before too long he feels his eyelids grow heavy.

* * *

When he wakes up again it's rush hour, a constant stream of cars driving past his window. What brings him back is someone's sudden acceleration and the honking that follows.

Inside there's only the familiar humming of electrical devices that tingles just under his skin. He remembers Cole just a moment before he makes out the sounds of the tv playing on low volume in the living room. He climbs out of bed, sweating bullets from the midday nap but feeling more well-rested than he had since he woke up from his coma.

He tiptoes over to the living room, letting out a breath he had not realized he'd been holding when he sees Cole spread out on the couch with his cheek squished against the seat. He feels that normally he'd probably laugh at how comfortable Cole apparently was in his home - but this time he was too happy just to see he had not left while Jay slept.

"You're still here," he says, relieved, as he joins. Cole startles a little, clearly caught up in whatever he was watching before looking embarrassed and hastily sitting up. He quickly composes himself though and even manages somewhat of a teasing smirk before speaking.

"Well, you were snoring so loudly I got worried you might actually be dying. I figured I better stay in case you really kicked the bucket."

"Wha- I don't snore!"

"Sure you don't."

Jay picks a random dirty sock from the floor and launches it at him. It hits Cole right in the face.

"Aw, gross, man!"

Jay throws himself down on the couch next to Cole, leaning a little into his space out of habit. He smells good, like cologne.

"What are we watching?" he asks.

Neither of them brings up the misunderstanding or their  _ moment  _ yesterday, but Jay can see Cole is still thinking about it. His eyes flicker to Jay's face before they go back to the screen, not acknowledging how close he had sat. His face looks tense, as if he's not sure if he can trust himself to react the way he should.

"Oh, uh, just some sitcom. I'm not that invested, I just didn't feel like going all the way over there for the remote." He points vaguely to where the remote is lying on the coffee table less than five feet to his left. "You can change the channel if you want." He lets his hand down on the seat in between them. They're sitting too close for it to be anything but a snug fit - Jay's thigh burns at the touch - but he doesn't say anything. His fingers twitch a little and curl into a loose fist, but his palm is still facing up. Maybe he is hoping Jay will take a hint and give him some space. Unfortunate if that's the case, cause Jay only sees one thing.

Without thinking he reaches out and intertwines the other's fingers with his own. They fit together like puzzle pieces. His mind does catch up to him seconds later and he pulls away sharply, cheeks burning.

"Sorry," he mumbles, embarrassed at his slip.

"It's fine," Cole responds without looking away from the tv. "Cuddling 's cool with me, as long as you're comfortable."

"Oh." Jay is surprised, but it's a  _ confused _ surprised. He settles down, trying to look at the tv but in truth watching the other out of the corner of his eye. Mentally he goes through what he knows of their relationship. Maybe Cole hadn't been completely honest, after all. Maybe there  _ was _ something between them, but it just hadn't been defined yet.

Discreetly he scoots closer, until their entire sides are touching. No reaction. Then he pulls his legs up to his chest, and lets his head fall to the side to rest on Cole's shoulder. Instead of pushing him off Cole leans back in the seat so they fit more comfortably together, arm reaching around and holding Jay in place. Jay lets himself be manoeuvred, warmth engulfing him both from the shared body heat and the way his blood is positively rushing through his body. Cole, satisfied, finally leans his cheek on top of Jay's head.

Is this a friend-thing? Are they having a bro-cuddle? Should he ask? Ugh, no, of course not, that would be so lame!

The show breaks for commercials, the volume suddenly twice as high. Had he been watching the tv and thus been prepared, this wouldn't have been a problem. Unfortunately he was busy watching Cole, so the sudden noise scares him half to death. Jay jumps in his seat and smacks his head right into Cole's jaw, which snaps together with a painful  _ clink _ . Cole in turn falls to the side, holding onto his cheek.

"Oh-my-god-I'm-so-sorry!" Jay lets out a panicked apology, all in one breath, ignoring the throb of his own head."It was just so loud and I didn't expect it-"

Cole just gestures with his hand that it's fine, despite the fact that he's still lying sideways with his face hidden in the pillow, clearly not fine. Jay lets out a loud whine of self-pity, wondering why he of all people had to become such a clumsy, awkward moron. He even feels his eyes water the tiniest bit. Then he glares at the tv, which is still playing it's loud, annoying commercials. This was all the tv's fault, actually. He would beat it up, except he kinda needs it to watch his shows.

He reaches over to grab the remote to turn off the sound and is taken completely off guard when it shocks him, the snap of it so loud he can hear the  _ zap _ .

"Ouch!" he yells out, instinctively shaking his hand in hope that the numbing pain will magically fall off. The remote flies over the couch, landing on the floor with a worrying crack. The batteries fall out the back and roll under the couch. He indulges for a second in the idea that the tv could have heard his thoughts, sending the remote to punish him. Cole looks up at him, a touch of worry on his eyebrow. His hand is still cradling his face but he doesn't look to be in debilitating pain anymore. 

"Did you just get shocked?" he asks, looking like he is unsure if he should be helping somehow. Jay sticks his hurt fingers in his mouth.

"I'm fine," he says miserably. Cole is not even remotely convinced.

"Haven't you been drinking enough water?" he asks, straightening up and looking a little closer at Jay as if the answer would be visible somehow.

"Since when can you quench static electricity by being hydrated?" Jay mumbles around his fingers, mostly embarrassed. Cole seems a little caught off guard by the question.

"Oh, that, uhm. Just a home cure that you always say helps." Jay takes the fingers out of his mouth to speak.

"Helps with static electricity?" The corner of his mouth twitches upwards, and he gives Cole an amused yet slightly teasing grin. "Are you saying that your family has had such a problem with static electricity shocks that they developed a home cure?"

Cole grimaces. It takes him a second too long to answer.

"I guess," he says, clearly withholding something. It makes Jay's brain start firing in all directions, trying to make sense of it. He tries to distract himself before they spiral out of control.

Jay kneels down on the floor, looking for where the batteries went. When he starts reaching for them he is stopped.

"Wait, I'll get them." Cole joins him on his hands and knees, already rummaging around under the couch before he gets the chance to protest.

"Uhm, sure?" he agrees, confused, and reaches for the empty husk of the remote instead. At least his jaw seems fine now.

The complicated look on Cole's face mixed with the shock triggers something like a flashback in his mind. Okay, weird. He could almost see the purpose of staying hydrated, but it felt too...  _ magical _ to be true. Yet, the more he thought about it, the clearer the picture painted itself in his head.

His hand falls to his lap.

"You said we met doing martial arts, right?"

"Yeah?" Cole looks back up at him, batteries now in his hand. He reaches out the other for Jay to hand over the remote.

"Are we- Do we-" He frowns, not sure how to express what we want to say without sounding like a complete lunatic if he's wrong."Are we like… Crimefighters?" Cole stills his movements, visibly swallowing. He's not looking away though. Rather he seems to be searching for something in Jay's expression.

"Yes. Sort of. Did you-" Jay nods once, and he stops talking. For a second they're just looking at each other before Jay gets the words out.

"I think my memories are returning."

He feels as surprised as Cole looks when he says it. The newly assembled remote forgotten, but not really as the electricity within pings like little needles under his skin. Just like the machines and lamps in the lair, like the tv and the light and inside the walls. It's a kind of strange feeling, like the things he remembers suddenly have more to them that used to be hidden. Like the map in a video game expanding outside of previous limits.

"Oh. Uhm. What do you remember?"

"I'm not sure. Bits and pieces, I guess?" He scratches his head, climbing back onto the couch. Cole follows, but not as close as before. "It's hard to tell what is new and what isn't when it feels like it's always been there."

"So it's all coming back then?"

"I think so, yes."

Cole looks away. He seems upset, but like he's trying to hide it. Just like he had back when Zane told them his memories would return. Jay frowns.

"You don't look happy about it," he states. If Cole is going to run out again, he might as well get it out there.

Cole's mouth opens and closes a few times before any sound comes out, or he finally turns back to meet Jay's eyes.

"Of course I am. It's good. It's great! I want you to have your memories back of all the things the six of us have experienced together, of course I do."

Jay crosses his arms, not buying it.

" _ But _ ..?"

Cole's shoulders slump, sagging like they finally give in to the weight that had been pushing him down.

"But… You are safer right now," he sighs. "As a normal person."

Jay isn't sure what he was expecting. Maybe something sillier, or a declaration of hidden feelings if he's being extra dramatic. This feels heavier than he was ready for.

"I'm not going to go looking for a repeat of all this, if that's what worries you," he tries for something lighthearted. "I am very much looking forward to never be in this situation again."

"Yeah." Cole agrees, but it doesn't sound like he believes it. He won't meet Jay's eyes again. He just lowers the volume on the tv and goes back to watching silently.

Jay leans back in his own seat. A dark ball of anxiety is nesting in his stomach. There's no build-up to the things he remembers, they're just suddenly there. Things he didn't know he was looking for, suddenly in front of him. And one thing doesn't add up - Cole in his memories did  _ not _ do cuddles. In fact, Cole in his memories did not know Jay's favourite books or was self-conscious or showed off his dancing or paid attention to Jay's dating life or- well, actually, he did cheat at video games. Nothing new about that.

He thought  _ the misunderstanding _ would be what plagued him once he got his memories back - and it did, it still made him want to shrivel up and die, oh god please let Cole not have told any of the others - but now instead he's hit with the thought that maybe he had gotten to know Cole better in one week of thinking they're dating than he had in  _ years _ of friendship. Just how much of a terrible friend had he been? He claimed Cole was his best friend and yet he hadn't even known that Cole was open to dating guys!

Not that- not that that thing, specifically, mattered. That was clearly not something that Jay would care about. And he didn't. Sure, Cole had suggested that Jay could be his type and all- BUT that was unimportant. Just something to remember the same way Cole had noticed his type, obviously.

Clearly. Because he was starting to remember stuff now. Which meant any possibility of attraction went back in the no-way-José-box, where it belonged. Unseen and forgotten.

The space between them where they're no longer touching feels freezing cold.

* * *

  
  


Cole drives them back to the hideout (or well, close enough not to give it away. That was, after all, the point of a  _ secret _ hideout) in silence. They're both wearing a mask pulled up over their noses and a hoodie to be inconspicuous, just in case, but they're not in suits. They've realized long ago that when they're trying to stay out of view in broad daylight, colorful suits only bring more eyes onto them.

A little while ago the emergency meeting-signal on Coles watch had started buzzing, and they had both hurried to get their shoes on. Cole had tried to stop him at first when he noticed Jay was following, but he quickly gave in once Jay promised he was only going to the hideout and not on any mission. The whole team will be there so in a way it's the perfect time to announce his memories returning. Well, you know, if you don't count the emergency. 

He uses a partially hidden hole in the fence to avoid the cameras at the front of the gates, which, now that Jay remembers it,  _ duh _ . He's only lucky that no one would watch him struggle to find his way around the same container three times on tape and assume he's anything other than a first-timer.

It's a much less frustrating journey this time. Every corner Cole turns around clicks in place inside his head like a puzzle. He knows every twist and alley. He knows how you have to kick the door to the lair just  _ so _ for it to open up. He knows that when he walks in, he can expect Zane by the computer screens explaining some technical detail to Lloyd while Kai and Nya lounge on the couch or fight over the remote. He knows that the walls are usually covered in crime rapports, maps and printed screenshots and photographs of them in their gi.

Except this time they're all looking tense as the newcomers walk inside, an anxious murmur that goes dead silent once Cole opens the door. He freezes in the doorway, straightening his back and looks suspiciously around for what they're hiding. Once he realizes he can't see anything amiss, he steps aside, pointing his arms out as Jay comes into view right behind him. The mutual sigh of relief is so powerful it's  _ visible _ going through the room, everyone relaxing.

"Oh, thank god!" Nya says, coming over to throw her arms around his neck. "Meeting canceled. We found him."

Lloyd joins right behind her, squishing them both with his hug.

"I am  _ so _ glad you're fine," Lloyd cries into Nya's shoulder blades, "I was so  _ not _ looking forward to telling Cole I had lost you."

"Guys, I just went home," Jay tries to explain. His cheeks feel hot. He can only guess how hard he's blushing. He didn't expect the others to be so worried about him, to be honest.

"You guys only realized he was missing fifteen minutes ago?" Cole cuts in, frowning, then changes his mind about the important part of the confession. "Wait, why would you be worried about  _ me _ ?"

Lloyd lets up his hold and Nya follows, Jay stumbling a little in their wake.

"Well, you know, you've been a little obsessed since he got hurt-"

"What? No I haven't," Cole immediately protests, horrified and throwing a quick look over at Jay to see if he's listening (he is) before turning back to Lloyd.

"-and after you spent an hour crying, practically moved into the gym because you didn't want to leave the hideout, called his parents to get the recipe for his mother's chicken soup, burned the soup, and finally wrote down a song about Jay's 65 most favourite memes, you said that you would kill anyone if they ever let Jay get hurt on their watch again," Lloyd continues to count on his fingers as if he hadn't heard anything. A single moment of disbelief passes on Jay's face as he glances over at Cole, before Cole protests again.

"That was obviously a joke," Cole says and crosses his arms defensively.

"I distinctly remember the words; _and_ _ that is not a joke _ ," Kai joins in with a very bad impression of Cole's voice. He, too, is looking relieved to see Jay, but is standing back with a smile on his lips. Zane is standing beside him with a similar expression.

"I think it's good that you decided to spend your time productively, rather than refusing to leave his bedside like you did the first day," he says, all too oblivious.

"Oh, screw you guys," Cole mutters, walking over to the couch and throwing himself on it to pout.

Ignoring Cole's tantrum, Zane steps forward to put one hand firmly on Jay's shoulder.

“I would have advised you not to leave until you were feeling a bit stronger, but I’m glad you're okay. I was afraid you might accidentally give away something that could put any of us in danger if you had too much information before regaining your memories, but it seems I should have considered that not telling you could also bring you to act unpredictably."

"About that-" Jay starts, "I think my memories are returning?"

Everyone stops in their steps, showing they had all been listening. Only Cole acts unaffected, as everyone else is openly staring at him with interest. The rest hadn't gotten very far and now that they had turned his way again he notices that he's almost surrounded.

Everyone is looking at him expectantly.

"How much do you remember?" Nya asks excitedly, but within a single breath. Jay gives her a crooked smile as he responds.

"I remember everything I think, including not remembering. That part is pretty weird actually."

He can tell how they all relax, breathing out like they're finally letting go of a weight. All of them smile for the first time since back when he had woken up, and they move in to hug him again in a big pile of bodies.

"Welcome back man!"

"Good to have you back."

Kai and Nya simultaneously lean in and kiss his cheek on opposite sides of his face, and then they laugh at him as he flusters and punches them.

"It's good to be back," he finally gets out around a smile. It's the truth too. Life is easier when he just has to second-guess his every move the normal amount.

"You know what this means-" Lloyd takes a step back, eyes glittering. He throws his arms into the air in celebration. "Jay is buying all of us ice-cream!"

Everyone  _ woo's _ as Jay tries to protest, but eventually gives in. It was a tradition by now that if you got your ass kicked during a battle and it's caught on tape, you pay for dessert. No mercy for the guy that ended up in a coma when there is ice cream on the line, it seems. Zane is already at the computer and printing a screenshot of him getting hit in the face. It's going up on the wall.

* * *

Cole pulls up to the parking space outside Jay's apartment. They still haven't really spoken since Jay got his memories back, saved from the awkwardness of the ride only by the radio blasting a mix of the latest pop songs. But as Cole turns the key and the engine shuts down, so does the radio. They're left with a suffocatingly awkward silence. After Cole's embarrassed pouting-session earlier and Jay's following admittance to getting his memories back things had been tense. 

It's dark outside by now, and the wind is picking up. Maybe he should be getting out of the car before it gets worse. It's just that he has a feeling there's still something left unsaid between them that needs to get out before he leaves, or it will be lost forever. Another moment of silence is spent like that, before Cole speaks up. He is uncharacteristically quiet.

"I wasn't actually that obsessed, you know. Lloyd made it sound way worse than it was," he defends himself with a childish edge. Jay just shrugs. 

He hadn't really minded, knowing Lloyd was probably exaggerating (sure, some of the things he mentioned had been a little odd for Cole maybe, but there was nothing bad). And after all, it was pretty nice that someone had cared  _ not only _ for the potential ice cream. With his memories back  _ and _ his memories of having no memories intact, he also has newfound gratefulness for his friends. He had forgotten what it was like to feel alone after so much time together they were practically all joined at the hip. Cole still sounds embarrassed. "It's scary, you know, to find someone... Unresponsive. Especially underwater."

"Underwater? Zane just said I fell off the bridge." Jay frowns, struggling to remember what had happened. The memory of the event was splotchy, cutting out mid-fight. As Zane had told him though it wasn't uncommon to permanently lose the last few minutes when your brain gets scrambled, so he hadn't worried about it. The bridge did go over a river, although a significant part of it was still over land. He had assumed that's where he must have fallen off to obtain such injuries, especially since last he remembers they were just at the start and evacuating people. His hand trails lightly over his broken ribs, and Cole must notice because he starts explaining.

"We were fighting on top of the bridge, and two civilians had sneaked closer to get a video, freaking idiots. The bad guy noticed them and set off a bomb planted inside the abandoned car closest to them. It all happened in seconds. You dove in and pushed them out of the way of the blast before I had even registered the bomb going off. Then you were hit with the full force of the car door exploding at you. I was close enough I  _ heard _ your bones break." He stops for a moment and shudders. Jay gulps, suddenly glad he doesn't remember. When Cole continues, it's with a new tinge of fragility. " When we got to you it was- it was too late. We didn't even know if you were alive. You were maybe lucky, in a way - you were already unconscious by the time you hit the water. If you hadn't been, you might have inhaled from the shock and- the water would be in your lungs and- ugh, I don't know, Nya explained this better. It wasn't even me who-" Cole's palms grip the steering wheel like a lifeline. His eyes are screwed shut, trying to keep the memories at bay. Jay gets the impulse to grab his hand and reassure him he's okay. He doesn't, but his fingers twitch with the urge.

"It's just something that shocks you into realizing how important someone is to you." Cole finally says, hands relaxing but still not looking in his direction. It looks like he's giving up - but it's hard to tell  _ what _ it is he's giving up. Jay doesn't know how to respond, but the conversation doesn't feel finished. There is more to say, more to Cole's confession between the lines, more that he needs to get out, but he doesn't know how to navigate his way there.

"Thank you. For telling me what happened, and for driving me back from the hideout. And also there. And for showing me the way. I kinda remember it now, but still," he finally says, just to say something. He means it, but his nerves always make it come off kinda ridiculous. He plucks a little with a loose thread on his shirt. "It's dangerous, sometimes. It's part of the job that we signed up for. Well, metaphorically signed up for. More was drafted into- either way, I don't regret it. Maybe it's a good thing I can't remember because I don't want to stop." Cole takes a shaky breath, and Jay pauses for a second. Shit, maybe he's just digging himself deeper. " _ But _ , when I need it, I know I got the best team in the world to fall back on. Other people don't have you guys to catch them, you know? I'm really lucky."

"I couldn't do anything," Cole says, pained. Jay makes a guttural sound of disagreement.

"Are you kidding me? You've helped me more than anyone since I woke up and didn't know anything."

"That's not-"

"Of course it is! I mean, wow, it was really scary you know? I thought you guys might have kidnapped me. Boy am I glad that wasn't it! If it hadn't been for you I might have ran away or something. You really helped me feel at ease. It's impossible to never fail, but what is truly important is having those people who you can trust to pick you back up when you do, right? Imagine if I had been  _ alone _ all that time I spent with you. I would have freaked out! Electrocuted the entire city by mistake! But you didn't give up on me. Who knows what had happened if you hadn't been there to help me? I might never have recovered. Then what? I would be alone, like before. I would feel so lonely, I have started to get used to having friends. Not that I didn't have friends before! Or well, maybe I didn't really, technically, but I used to have a stray cat that lived in the junkyard and it let me pet it. I did get fleas though. Ah, but that's not what- what I was trying to say was - I really appreciate it. Even if you feel it was nothing, it mattered a lot to me."

Cole stares at him. For a moment Jay is afraid he messed up. He always starts rambling when he's nervous - stupid, stupid habit. But Cole's eyes fall nervously to the space between them just before he speaks.

"Jay- when you had amnesia, you thought we were…"

"A couple?" Jay fills in. He's just relieved that Cole is the one talking now. He can air out his time with memory loss if it's what it takes, no problem.

"Yeah. Why did you think that?" Cole looks back up, his eyes innocently huge but his eyebrows are pulled down over them, a surprising mix of a need-to-know and vulnerability. Jay can't really say he understands his confusion, remembering with embarrassing clarity what it had been like when he woke up.

"You were sleeping in a chair next to my bed when I woke up."

Cole looks surprised at this.

"We were taking shifts. We always do that."

"You were holding my hand."

He does look a little embarrassed at that.

"So I would notice if you woke up… I was kinda sleepy," he mumbles, a slight burn in his cheeks.

"You grabbed my hand again once you got back with everyone."

"For comfort! You just got out of a coma!"

Jay, unimpressed with that explanation, brings up his hand and starts counting on his fingers.

"You said I had been jealous when Nya had a crush on you, we had matching rings, you had the keys to my apartment-"

Realization seems to set in, and Cole leans his head on the steering wheel, hiding his face behind his hands as he mutters  _ oh my god _ . Jay gets a feeling like he should maybe take on at least some of the blame.

"- but also, I just thought you were ridiculously hot so I read too much into every interaction."

"Huh!?" Cole's face snaps back up in alarm.

"It's a bit embarrassing, looking back on it now. Sorry." He offers a sheepish smile, hoping Cole would feel less embarrassed. It seems to work at least partially, because Cole is no longer hiding behind his palms. For a few moments his eyes are glazy, seemingly lost in thought.

"So... all those things you said, it wasn't just because you couldn't remember me?" he finally speaks up.

When he puts it like that, Jay realizes exactly what he had just admitted.

His face starts going pink. Then cerise. Then bright red, until it's a little worrying. Cole's eyes widen in disbelief, mouth hanging open.

"W-well. You know. It's not criminal to have a type." He tries to save some face. As if he didn't just admit one of his best friends fit that type perfectly. As if he hadn't ignored that fact for years.

"No. I guess not," Cole responds softly, but that's enough that they both can hear it in the silent car. He sounds more at ease in those four words than he had the entire day.

No one says anything else, and Jay wonders if  _ this _ is his true cue to leave. He could have left before this whole conversation started, really, and he would have saved himself from a load of embarrassment. But nooo, Jay had to be a grown-up and talk things out with his friends. What's next, couple's therapy? Why not just spill  _ all _ his secrets, huh?

Just as he's about to excuse himself, Cole clears his throat. When Jay turns his head, he's already looking at him. Cole swallows nervously, licking his lips before speaking.

"Please punch me if I'm reading this wrong or something."

Jay freezes. His eyes are wide, following every movement as Cole leans over slowly - like he's afraid that the other will scare and run off if he makes any too sudden movements. Once again, Jay is the wild animal. He can tell his hands are shaking and he swallows around the lump in his throat, instinctively licking his own lips and closing his eyes when he feels the warmth of Coles exhales stroke his face. His heart drums against his ribcage and it's all he can.

He presses his lips to Jay's softly, just for a few seconds before pulling back slightly. He's still close enough that their noses touch if Jay moves his head, and he makes no sign of moving in again. It's so sweet it's almost frustrating.

Jay finally opens up his eyes again to come eye-to-eye with large dark ones, searching his. Cole is looking unsure, like he actually expects Jay to go ahead and punch him. Jay breathes out shakily.

"That's all? What are you, my mom?" he says in a teasing mock-offense, and Cole's mouth falls open in surprise and a somewhat-real-offense. Before he can respond Jay brings his hand around his neck and pulls him back in. This kiss is harder, a little more passionate, a little sloppier. It's too many years of repressed attraction and being comfortable enough to act a little bit stupid. It's the comfort of what you and the buzzing of the unknown inside his bones before a thunderstorm. His fingers run through dark hair, tangling and untangling every lock. 

The drive stick is awkwardly lodged between them and Cole doesn't have much space to move around in the driver's seat so Jay has to lean his entire body over to reach. It's kinda bad and it's everything he ever wished for.

When he pulls away, Cole follows him subconsciously before stopping himself and opening his eyes. Under messy bangs they are wide and dazed, skin flushed and his open mouth is red and swollen.

_ Holy shit _ , Jay thinks.  _ I did that. _

The silence is cut as Cole's clock starts beeping, shrill and loud. He swears as he is startled out of the trance and starts fiddling to shut it off.

"Patrol," he explains.

"Ah," Jay responds. "I guess I should go inside, then." It comes out more uncertain than he wanted, almost as a question. Of course he should. Cole needs to leave.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I guess that's for the best," Cole agrees. He is just as, if not more, awkward. "I'll see you tomorr- oh, or, uh, your memories are back now, so I guess you don't really need me to help you around." He rubs the back of his neck, smiling a crooked smile.

"Oh," Jay mouths. He is clearly being handed the ball, deciding how they'll go forward. If he said now that this was just a spur-of-the-moment mistake, would Cole agree and never talk about it again? Push it back into the box, unseen and unrecognized so they could go back to normal. The way it had been for years, the way they know. Or was he hoping Jay would confess that he kinda, maybe wanted this to become something more? "Actually, you know," Jay clears his throat. His cheeks are feeling a little warm. "Watering plants can be very straining on the body. I did break my ribs after all. Who knows how long it'll take to heal? Could be… years."

Cole's smile finally softens, looking more relaxed and fond.

"It would suck if your plants didn't get water for  _ years _ ," he answers in a slightly teasing tone. The corner of Jay's mouth quirks upwards in a relieved smile too.

"And who knows if they'll even  _ accept _ my water? They're used to having you around now, it would surely break their hearts if I tried to take over suddenly."

"Plants are known for their easily hurt feelings, after all." Cole agrees.

"Right? So I think that you should probably come over tomorrow anyway. You know, for the plants."

"For the plants," Cole confirms.

* * *

The cold evening winds immediately dig their claws into his clothes and cuts at his exposed face when he gets out of the car, and he does regret just a little bit that he didn't leave earlier as Cole's shitty car speeds away. But then again, he wouldn't have it any other way. He takes off running, wrapping his jacket a little tighter around himself, and he doesn't stop until he's safely covered by the port of his apartment building. As he is punching in the code to get inside, he spots his own reflection in the dark window. His heart burns a little bit hotter, his insides going soft and gooey like melted marshmallow. His windswept hair is standing in every direction, skin splotchy and red from exposure. The door unlocks with a clicking sound, but he takes a second more to look at his reflection, replaying the last few minutes in his head. He didn't realize until then that he had not once stopped smiling.


End file.
